what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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