I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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