She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Bring me that man meat
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