And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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