fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
