It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
