she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
