apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
