Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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