I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
