It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
