So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
