I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
