Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
