i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
