Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
