What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
