My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
