He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
