I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
