yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
