new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
