he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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