Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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