i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
