I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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