he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My sheets look like a crime scene.
we made out on top of his cat.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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