Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
