Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
