thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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