I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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