You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
