Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
