theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
