I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
