addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
