oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
