Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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