just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize