I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
