We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
