you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
