Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
