This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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