I faked an abortion last night.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
