i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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