Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
