you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
