hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
