You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
