Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
