this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sober January is a disaster.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
