hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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