shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
