I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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