Banned from zoo.
Again?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
