Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
