I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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