i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
