and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
