the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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