well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
