I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
