i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
