Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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