Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just invented taco cereal.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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