your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
