Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
