using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
