so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
