when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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