My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
