So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
