I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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