Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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