If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
