Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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