New invention idea: vibrating tampons
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
