How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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