I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you win again, gameday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
