She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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